No Longer a Passenger

For twenty-six years I was a passenger. I was always the navigator on roadtrips. I was always next to the person in charge. But being a passenger extends way beyond the car: I always held the grocery list while Danny pushed the cart. On walks Danny was always in charge of Miley while I walked next to them. Being a passenger was just a part of life. And I was okay with that.

Two and a half weeks ago I became a proud holder of a North Carolina license. Two and a half weeks ago I had to get over my fear of being in charge. In such a short amount of time I've tasted true freedom. I've been able to get coffee when I want coffee. I've been applying for jobs, went to an interview and got a job...because I could drive myself. I've been able to help Danny with small errands, mail packages to Kaleb, and have lunch with a friend. I've pumped gas. And yesterday I made a big step...I went grocery shopping by myself. I pushed the cart and was able to keep track of the budget (the list is a different problem, I left it at home! Oops!)

I will never regret waiting ten years to get my license. In fact, I like that I waited so long. I never missed out on anything, I was able to save money, and obviously it didn't stop me from moving 800 miles from home, getting married or buying a house.

I'm a firm believer that everything happens for a reason - who knows the reason why I waited so long, but I'm sure there is one. All I know is, things are looking up right now and they can only get better!

Success!

Yesterday was a huge day for me! Ten years after I was "supposed" to get it. And a year after I got my second permit, I did it. I got my license!

I wasn't planning to take the test yesterday, but when Hubby got out of work early...I knew it was time. It was pouring out, which added a whole different level of stress. The DMV was packed with people taking (and failing) the road test, which also created stress. But I was somehow able to shake it all off and successfully passed my test!

So, now I'm a 26 year old with my license. And no idea what to do with it! I'm not 100% comfortable just getting up and going yet, but knowing that I can is a huge weight off of my shoulders.

Now comes the next step: a job! I've already applied for a handful of jobs and today I'll apply to more. Cross your fingers for me!

S-T-R-E-S-S-E-D

We're checking things off our of Home Owners To Do List like crazy. The house has been inspected, loan papers have been signed, appraisal has been ordered, and we have our home owners insurance binder. All great things!

But, along with home owners insurance came the added stress of car insurance. Of course we want to bundle everything for the best deal - and man, we would be getting a great deal! However,  our home owners insurance is through a North Carolina company, which means they want you to have a North Carolina license (military or not.)

So, we're thinking this is a simple solution for Danny. We marched our butts across the street to the DMV. Turns out we need to have his social security card. We don't. That office is an hour away and closes at 3:30. Incredibly inconvenient for Danny's schedule....especially since he is at the range next week!

The earliest we can get to the social security office is Friday. We still have to wait for the card. Take the test (who knows, maybe we'll be taking our driving test together.) Cancel Geico (which sucks because it renews on the 5th, there's no way all this can happen before then!) and then bundle with our home owners insurance.

Everything has such bad timing. My to-do list is growing by the second. My calender is so unorganized. My stress level is at an all time high. And our bank accounts are decreasing with each thing that is checked off our list.

Is there a How To Be an Adult manual? If so, where can I order one?

How's it Going?

I'm sure you might be wondering how my driving has been going?

I can't even sum it up in a word. It's more of a noise. Eh.

I'm not bad. I have all the basics down. Straight, turn, stop, obey laws, follow traffic, parking sometimes. The new hurdle? Changing lanes. I don't know if it's because I'm so short, but I can not see a damn thing. Yes, I look in the mirrors, I see....stuff. But I don't trust myself 100% to get myself into the other lane safely. I turn around to do a quick look...I don't see anything.

Here's where the problem comes in. I ask Danny, "can I get over?" He refuses to answer. Then, he gets mad that I'm not confident in my driving. Well, how am I supposed to work on the confidence issue if the person trying to help me isn't that big of a confidence booster?

So, this is why driving is only an "eh." I'd rather not constantly bicker with my husband, so driving constantly gets pushed on the back burner.

You know the saying "those who can't do, teach?" Well, I can't drive, but I can give damn good directions and know the laws. And I think the same goes for Danny...he can't teach, so he drives.

Sadly, this is only going to get us so far. I want my license around the same time that we move. I want a job. So, I need to buckle down....cuz moving day is going to be sooner than later!

What Can I Say....I Plan Ahead

I have this...

...but not this

And as of tonight we'll have this....

...but we don't have

Yep, as of tonight we'll have a fence in our spare bedroom. I couldn't pass up this great deal and since I know we'll be moving out of here soonish, I just had to get this fence. It's good thing we don't plan to have many visitors!

Don't worry, I'll document the moving in process!

Tact.

Definition:

1.A keen sense of what to say or do to avoid giving offense; skill in dealing with difficult or delicate situations.

2. A keen sense of what is appropriate, tasteful, or aesthetically pleasing; taste; discrimination. 

Example:

My husband lacks tact when breaking news to me.

I was so excited that Danny would be getting home early from work today. I cleaned the house, showered, got dressed, and waited for him to get home. He didn't know it yet...but we were going to go shopping. When he came home, he asked what I wanted to do...I said shopping!

So, I'm putting on my boots and Danny looks at me says "SO, you have three months to get your license." Long pause. "I'm  going to Yuma for two months!" He said it with such joy and excitement....and I was angry.

I was not angry that he will be gone for two months. I was mad because of the way he told me. Seriously, when/if he deploys he better not have a smile on his face while telling me. I know it's why he signed up but atleast have my concerns/emotions/feelings in mind when you tell me. Don't be jumping for joy while my mind is stuck on "Damn, now I need to get my license."  (If you don't know my driving issue read it HERE.)

But here's the thing, ten minutes before I wrote out my blog about my New Year goals (to be published this weekend!)...and driving is on the list. Yet the thought of someone telling me I have to get it freaks me out. So, what do I do? I text my sister and start making a plan for the next few months. And while it might seem totally ridiculous to most some people...it's what will work for me. 

1) I will get my permit here and practice, practice, practice.

2) I'll go home for X-amount of months. Something I always said I wouldn't do, but hey...I'm allowed to change my mind.

3) Practice driving. And work at the restaurant I used to work at...and make some money!

4) Come back to NC and get my license. 

Am I happy about the plan. Some of it. 

And just a reminder to Danny. Tact is your friend when breaking news like this to your wife. 

Here it is...The Driving Issue.

Look at this picture: The girl is nervous, the man is bossy...this doesn't look like fun to me.

I've mentioned a few times on here that I do not drive. Not because I'm lazy, lost my license, or have no car. I have never had a license. Yes, I'm almost 25 and have never had my license.

Let me explain.

My great grandmother didn't have her license until much later in life, my Mom didn't get hers until she was 24 and pregnant with me. I worked with a girl who didn't have hers until she was 21. I have cousins who didn't get it until they were 20. To me, this is normal.

When I turned 16 I couldn't wait to have my permit. The day I turned 16 I was at the DMV, taking the test, getting my picture taken..and leaving with my head held high. It took me a while, but I eventually signed up for Drivers Ed, passed the course....and then had to do the driving lessons. Before I did the required lessons I tried driving the blue-demon (Ford Escort Hatchback...) with my Dad. He pulled the e-brake when I was approximately a billion yards from pedestrians.

So, then it was time to do driving lessons. First one? Highway. Second one? JACKASS trying to teach me. And actually yelling at me because we disagreed on the name of a road. Stupid crap. After that I schedule a few lessons and stressed and got so nervous about them that I eventually just canceled them and forgot about driving.

You're probably thinking "how do you FORGET about driving?" Living near Boston I could take trains and subways to travel. How did I get to work? Mom. High school? Not a problem, I was a lame senior who took the bus but had neighbors that would sometimes drive me home. College? Friends from the same town would bring me home if they were coming out. OR I'd take the train. Seriously...not a big deal. I'd never ask for a ride or ask people to go out of their way to get me somewhere. It's my issue, no one elses and I'd never ask people do help me because of something I have an issue with.

I've saved an unbelieabable amount of money because I don't drive. I've traveled every place I've wanted to. I moved out of  my parents house to a town where walking and bike riding (not that I did that either!) was the norm. I would walk to do my grocery shopping, take public busses and yes...even travel two hours to Jacksonville to see Danny. When you don't drive...you get creative.

I've heard it all "You're not a real adult because you don't drive." "You need to grow up." "You rely on people too much." "Once you drive, you'll love it." Believe me, if you're thinking it right now...I've heard it already.

This is a really touchy subject with me. I don't like talking about it with people, I get defensive and angry. I don't understand why other people care what I do or do not do (especially if we don't even know each other!) Not driving has never stopped me from doing something that I wanted to do.

Bottom line: Driving scares the shit out of me. It's a control issue. I don't like having the control of a vehicle. I'm a very nervous person about everything. I would make a horrible driver. However, I am a great navigator! Ask anyone!

So, will I ever get my license? Yes. Am I happy about that? Hell no. But because of this military lifestyle that I have chosen to live, and knowing that Danny will someday deploy..I will need my license. And honestly, that's the only reason I plan to get it.

I Made a Plan

And I'm sticking to it. I also had to completely redo our budget, but I'm the queen of budgeting, so I think we are all set with that (as long as BAH kicks in by June 1 and I have a license and job by June 15.) This is, of course, all assuming that my new social security card comes within the allotted two weeks. And Breanna of Forever Yours, Semper Fi even offered to help me out with the driving and taking me to the DMV. I told her she would have to stay on my butt about it..because I really don't wanna drive!!!

Danny wants to teach me how to shoot. Is it weird that I've always invisioned myself hurting someone with a knife and not a gun? I told my Mom that I can see myself beating someone with a gun and not actually shooting it...she suggested I get a bat instead! She also wants me to get mace and a blowhorn. I'm going to need a bigger purse.

I've also decided I want to take some self-defense classes. Anyone want to be my buddy and go with me? I'll need a ride!

Oh, Hi Creepy Man

So...

I got the job. And it's PERFECT for me. Baking bread and decorating cakes. Yep, perfect.

Oh, except I'm retarded and didn't get my license when I was 16 and have to walk to work. I actually like walking, means I won't have to workout.

On my brisk walk back to our place a man in a red truck stalled out next to me. No big deal. I was talking to Mom on the phone, didn't think anything of it. Until later in the walk a woman pulled up next to me and asked if I needed a ride "uh, no thanks.." And she's all "um, that guy that stalled out just passed 2 more times."  And then I was creeped out. I have this lady telling me some dude is creeping me and my Mom yelling at me over the phone not to get in the car. I gave my phone to the lady to figure something out, and they agreed she would follow me. It was kinda weird, I did my Bostonian walk...until I saw the truck AGAIN. Now I'm freaaaaaked out. I ask the lady if that was the same truck and she's all "YES!" So, I get in her nice minivan (God, readers..don't ever do that..on any normal day I WOULDN'T!) and I have her drop me off at the lobby to our apartment (I also got her name and number. Why? I'm not sure. It seemed like something your supposed to do when a nice lady helps you out.) I'm 95% certain the guy didn't see where I was going, because while I was inside I saw him creep by AGAIN. Twenty minutes later my very nice landlord drove me to my apartment. She also said she would tell maintenance about the creepster. About an hour later....I saw the sheriff drive by.

So, needless to say. I'm getting my license before I get a job. And yes, I'm still freaked out.

Job Interview!

About two weeks ago I applied for a bunch of jobs online. I was beginning to wonder if these businesses even checked their e-mail, because I haven't heard anything, except for a rejection from Dominos. I was going to take today off from the job hunt, but one of the places finally called me back.

A grocery store.

Now, I have a college degree. In history. I feel a little weird getting a job at a grocery store, I purposely skipped right over this phase when I was 16.

I had limited places I could apply. I don't drive, so it had to be within walking distance. And there are (oddly enough) no restaurants close by.

So, wish me luck. I begin my walk in the 90 degree weather in one hour!

Jacksonville Lovin'

I have been in Jacksonville all week, my first time since either November or December. I came down because I wanted to meet Vogt's fiance, Samantha. We have been hanging out in the hotel all week, mostly doing nothing. The first day we were SO bored, we WALKED two miles to Walmart...because there was nothing better to do. Other than that, not a damn thing.

I do love seeing Danny everyday though. We, of course, went to our favorite diner one night. I love it because its so friggin' cheap. And then we went to a Mexican place, which was delish. And last night we went to Ihop. My question is...how many pancakes can one person eat on the unlimited deal? Keep in mind, it also comes with 2 eggs and hashbrowns. I had two pancakes. I don't think I could handle more than that! HOWEVER! It's like Chinese food, I was hungry two hours later, wishing for more pancakes.

We drove by the apartments that we applied to. They look really nice. However, there isn't really much within walking distance for me to work at. There is a CVS, Food Lion and a pizza place. Honestly, anything will do for the time being, until I get my license. We just need money and I really don't care where it comes from!

Speaking of money. Last night we walked around Target and I got a little depressed. All the spring/vacation clothes are out and this is the first year I don't have a vacation planned. Three years ago it was St. Thomas, then Aruba and last year was Jamaica (and many other awesome vacations before I moved.) But as of right now I have no vacations planned this year. Hopefully that changes. Hmm...maybe I can come up with something good for my tax money!

Right now Samantha is on the phone with Vogt. He failed room inspection last night and can't leave this weekend. Which means she doesnt' have a ride back home to Delaware. UGH. I would not be happy if I were in her shoes!

No real plans for this weekend. Buying our car this weekend and probably just hanging out attempting to save money...which needs to happen!

Debbie and Donnie Downer

The past few weeks have been tough. Not between me and Danny, I think we are as perfect as ever. But with my over-thinking and his clearance problems, we've both been awful whiny lately.

I feel so helpless when he's having a bad day. With my lack of driving and North Carolina having horrible public transportation, it's impossible for me to just run to him and try to cheer him up. His classmates got their wings today. But because [[in my opinion]] someone isn't doing their job they haven't bothered to do anything about Danny's clearance. I can just picture the letter I helped him write over two months ago sitting on someones desk while they are kicked back relaxing {I also picture this person eating a Hostess cupcake for some reason..} So, while his friends are moving on, Danny is stuck...waiting.

The day concluded with me burning my finger. On a toaster oven. Apparently the little hair I have on my knuckles sizzled off to the point it smelled like burning hair and skin. Here's my sad face and the damage.

It doesn't look like much. But it hurt like a bitch!

Update

*I'm 99.9% positive I can move out of the house I share with my two roommates.
*I'm 100% positive I can move in with Danny's Mom for a few months.

Things I'm concerned about: In Carrboro the public transportation is right outside my door. I have no idea how the busses in Cary work. I need my license, but in order to get it I'm pretty sure I need proof that I'm a North Carolina citizen. Which I'm not. And if I do the citizen thing..I lose my Massachusetts health benefits. Then I think, well..maybe if I go back to Boston for a little bit, I can work at the old place, get my license, save up some money to eventually move in. But I'm SO afraid that things would change between us. Obviously the pessimist in me is writing today.

I know these are things me and Danny need to talk about, but every time I try to bring them up my eyes fill up with tears and I decide not to do it.

It's even more frustrating because I don't even REALLY know if we could get a place together. He says yes because he has joint custody of his son. But for some reason I feel like once I decide to stay down here something will happen that I don't have a place to live..and then I'll just end up in Boston again.

I know plenty of other girls do the long-distance thing, dating a Marine practically guarantees long-distance at some point, but if I'm already down here..why not just stay??

This is the one and only time in my life I have wished I got my license when I turned 16!