I have never considered myself an Oprah fan...not until season 24. When my bestie, Katie, told me she had the 20th anniversary DVD set..I knew I had to watch the entire thing. And I did. In 24 hours. Yes, I have no life. While watching all six of those DVDs I've never cried so much or had so many "a-ha moments."
I don't consider myself old and wise (hell...I just turned 25!) but I'm not young and naive either. I do know a thing or two though. Oprah often asks "what do you know for sure?" I know for sure who my real friends are. There's a difference between an acquaintance and a friend...but there is a huge difference between a friend and a real friend.
I am tired of saying to myself "well...I guess I know who my real friends are." It always happens when "friends" do something that disappoints me or angers me. Fake friends are the worst.
A toxic friend is someone who constantly sends bad vibes. They treat you like shit. I once had a friend (from third grade through senior year of COLLEGE!) who treated me awful. We used the term "best friends" but I honestly didn't consider her my best friend for a long time...our friendship had become habit. She put down me down because of my college and a lot of my beliefs and opinions. I caught her talking shit about me before I got married, that's when I decided to cut all ties. I called her out on it, but for some reason she was shocked when she wasn't invited to the wedding.
Another awful friend was also the reason why I moved to North Carolina in the first place. I think she wanted me to be her bitch. But when I came to North Carolina with my own plans and soon made my own friends...she became cold and angry. And told me (in a nutshell) that Danny was the worst decision of my life. I remember after Danny proposed she actually pretended that she was happy for me. The fakeness of it was awful. A month later I moved myself out of that house (and paid a huge amount of money to pretty much end our friendship) and have never regretted any part of it.
Once again I have found toxic friends. And I'm sure all of you have a friend like this. I hate hate hate people who have a friend and then talk nothing but shit about them. You know that they are doing the same exact thing to you. I know that when you are complaining about someone, you want my reaction....only to go tell that person how awful I am. And-I-am-sick-of-it.
I never thought 19-20-21 was young. But looking back to my college years...I was young. I know I did the same things. But now that I am just a little older..I don't want those people in my life. I can honestly say I have one friend from my hometown. Two of my closest friends are from college. And I have a handful of girls down here that I consider real friends. And let me just put it this way..I am so thankful that I have my own friends...Danny's co-workers and their wives having totally irritated me in the past few months and weeks. And I am just realizing how young they really are.
I have decided to eliminate all of the toxic energy out of my life. It is exhausting. I have aired more "dirty laundry" on this blog in the past week...I hate showing that I'm mad/angry/hurt/sad but it makes me feel better to write about it. But the good news is...since I'm eliminating toxic energy you'll only be getting happy posts from now on!
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Woot! Good on ya girlie. Cut ties with all the lies, right? I dig it. Getting rid of bad friends is sort of like updating your mailing address or billing information on Amazon...it's just something that has to be done! Hahaha. Kudo's to you and I hope you feel like a ton of bricks has been lifted off your back.
ReplyDeleteSometimes you have to step back and take a good hard look at your life. That also includes your friends. When you eliminate the "toxic" friends, you'll be amazed at the difference you see in yourself. Sometimes, hanging out with those kinds of people, you can pick up some of those habits. Plus, you'll feel great not having them draining you or judging you.
ReplyDeleteI honestly would rather have no friends than toxic ones. They are miserable.
ReplyDeleteI am there with you! I have a particular toxic friend that I can't seem to shake. The worst part is our kids are friends, so I try to keep peace for my daughter's sake. I don't like being around her at all and I don't trust her. So I just keep my mouth closed around her and don't listen to what she says (because 99% of it is lies) and let the girls play.
ReplyDeleteGood for you! I hope things start looking up in that department!
ReplyDeleteIts always a good thing to clean up the clutter in your life! At our first duty station, unfortunately all I managed to find were "toxic" friends. They used me and took advantage of my kindness. When we were assigned a new duty station, I was so relieved I could start over with new friends! This time I knew what to look for in a true friend. I am 10x's happier now and I hope cleansing out the toxic people in your life does the same for you!
ReplyDeleteThose are seriously the worst! Don't worry about airing dirty laundry... it happens every noe and again. As long as it isn't every single day then go for it!
ReplyDeleteI hope you can step back from the toxics and move on and be happier. You have real friends that are so much more worth your time, so don't let these get to you! Good luck.
Oh girl, I am with you on this one. My very best friend in the world (since we were 5 years old) became my "habit" best friend once we both started college. She joined a sorority and I moved into an apartment with another good friend. I felt like you were speaking my thoughts when you explained her 'fakeness' for being excited for your engagement, my friend did the same thing. It honestly was disgusting, like it made me sick to my stomach. We decided to just cut all ties this past summer, and while it makes me sad.. you are so right about not needing toxic energy in my life!
ReplyDeleteA college friend of mine (who was one of my bridesmaids) got angry that I couldn't make it to her wedding in VT. The wedding was two days after I moved from VA to HI, being five months pregnant. I thought for sure she'd understand why I couldn't make it, but after that, I've realized that she just probably wasn't a REAL friend to begin with.
ReplyDeleteI sent her a Christmas card this year and thought long and hard about actually mailing it. Since reading your post, I don't think I'll be corresponding with her any more. I'm disappointed that our friendship was so easily discarded by her, when I valued it so much, but you're right- it's too damn exhausting!
I'm sorry, but you seem SO sweet! I can't imagine you having a shitty friend! You just seem so LOVEABLE! BUT, good for you, getting rid of the shit-bags! :)
ReplyDeleteGood for you!
ReplyDeleteI, recently, had a friend who I thought was going to be my BFF. It took a crazy serious of events to realize that I actually turned into a worse person when I hung out with her. The thing that surprised me was how many people wanted her and I to keep being friends because it would just be easier that way. It wouldn't cause a rift in our social group. I learned a lot from that experience, but mostly I learned that I have to watch out for my best interests because no one else is.
sometimes it is necessary! now.. if only we could eliminate parents, too...
ReplyDeletewow...this post was awesome. I agree its horrible having the feeling of " i guess i know who my true freinds are" its kinda sad to realize. But good to rid yourself of it!
ReplyDeletefantastic post!
ReplyDeleteGood for you! I totally agree. I've had two toxic friends in my life and thankfully cut them both out. I feel so much better without them!
ReplyDeletegood for you! I need to do this "cleaning" out of my Facebook "friends" but sometimes its hard because you fear that once you cut them out of your life... you'll be lonely. But it is for the better! Thank you for posting because this is EXACTLY how I feel about my hubby's co-workers and their wives! thank you!
ReplyDeleteDo not apologise to us. This blog is for YOUR vents, YOUR thoughts, you don't have to be all happy happy all the time. We love you anyway girl
ReplyDeleteSometimes though, putting our thoughts and emotions on display is what keeps us real. It's the people who are happy all the time that are the fake ones. It's just not possible.
ReplyDeleteIt is unfortunate that people are like that. I have one person in my life that I feel is toxic like that. I want to cut her out of my life but she is The Hubble's best friend's wife. If I cut her out, where does that leave them? I do not want to be the source of the guy's undoing you know??
Good for you for releasing all that negative energy though. And just wait until you hit 30! You will look back on those 20 year olds and think they are just children. LOL!
I totally understand you. I have/had, not sure where that's at, that did that to me. put me down to make herself feel better, when i went through hell with my family she was never there for me even though i was there for her when her parents divorced. she basically told me, "you are still on that?!?!?". I first told her she had some nerve telling me that when and then hung up on her. Luckily her mom told her to grow up and apologize.
ReplyDeleteThat's only one incident she has done to me.
I have tried to stay clear and for away form her (she lives in DC). I try to keep my distance and things to me and not let her in for her to get it...cause lets face it i hate being a bitch and i'm avoiding it. but in my mind if i keep doing this distance the friendship may die down and then she can't blame..make sense? i know i'm odd...hahah.
thanks for sharing this...i thought i was alone.
Good for you! After 15 years of being best friends, I have decided to end the friendship with my "bestie" and the circumstances are ridiculous. Its a huge weight off though isn't it?!
ReplyDeleteUgh! I know what you mean! Toxic friends are JUST that...completely TOXIC! After your break up with them is over, you look back and wonder "what was wrong with me to have been so blinded by *said person"? You live and learn I guess. But having a toxic friend makes you appreciate your REAL friend more!
ReplyDeleteAnd I'm proud of you for watching her ENTIRE dvd collection! That is awesome! I'm totally jealous of you!
Hugs!!!